No Blank Pages

Say No To Agents?

Firstwriter.com is another useful website you should have in your arsenal, and, in my inbox this morning came these two articles from authors who ignored the agent route and went directly to publishers.

Hmmm.  Avoid the agent route?  Leave yourself alone and naked at the mercy of the publishing world?  Not an unheard of concept, but one that is generally not recommended...particularly by agents, LOL.

Worth considering, anyway.  And keep on truckin'.

In Jameson Veritas*   

I suppose now I have to call this a paid advertisement--at least until my free stash runs out.

Technorati Tags: literary agents, publishing, Jameson Irish Whiskey, publishers, authors, writing
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And Yet More Advice on Queries

I have been fiddling with my query, with great help from the folks at Backspace just after Noah landed on Mount Ararat and I could power up my notebook.  I've written about it before, linking to articles that I thought were useful, but after searching for new agents to harass yesterday, I came upon the blog for Wylie Merrick which also has some very useful information.

The problem, of course, is that getting agents to agree on the proper form of a query--or a bio or a synopsis--is harder than getting economists to agree on which direction the economy's going.  This is a bad thing for writers. 

It is not a bad thing for agents, and the fact that so many have gone to so much trouble to help us suggests that they really do care.  It's just that they don't agree.  I mean, It's not like building an airplane.  Put the wing on upside down, you've got only a slim chance of getting off the ground.  Queries are as much an art form as body piercing.  Chaque a son gout, as the French would say (which means "Check your goat."  I don't understand the relevance, but, hey, the French have a way with words.)

Is there a point here?  Well, of couse.   Research, resesarch, research.  One size does not fit all.  That's why if you can get two or three queries out a day, you're doing well.

Here's what the good folks at Wylie say about queries on their blog:

Queries: God's Revenge

Queries are God’s way of saying, “I’m not done playing tricks with the human race.”  Let’s face it, take a 400-page book and distill it down into one page?  Capture both the humor and pathos, the brilliant revelations and tragic stumbles?

Imagine Omelet, a novel:  A depressed, perhaps crazed Dane whose father’s died of suspicious circumstances discovers that his mother has married his uncle who is implicated in the death of his father particularly after his father’s ghosts tells him he was killed by his brother—Hamlet’s uncle.  Moping around the castle incapable of making decisions and succumbing to long, self-flagellating monologues, Hamlet is either crazy or pretending to be crazy to take revenge—that is if he can find the energy to take revenge.

His girl friend, Ophelia tries to help, is rebuffed, and told to go a nunnery.  After demonstrating that she too can go crazy, she decides against the nunnery—apparently not a good Christian girl, and she jumps off a tree into a river and drowns herself. Her brother vows revenge.  Her father gives useless advice.

Hamlet stages a play wherein he’ll catch the conscience of the king—the new king, his uncle.  He overdoes it.  His uncles exits, stage left, howling.  Then Hamlet has his two best friends killed, and Tom Stoppard writes an award-winning play from their perspective.

Hamlet confronts his mother in what comes close to an incestuous encounter but the censors won’t let the author take the scene far enough to provide an answer.

Then Hamlet and Ophelia’s brother duel, but Hamlet doesn’t know that the brother’s sword is secretly dipped in poison.  Hamlet is wounded.  A fight ensues and they switch swords and the brother is wounded.  Hamlet then stabs the king.  The mother drinks wine laced with poison that was intended for Hamlet.  Anyone of substance at this point is dead or dying.

Hamlet’s last words: “The rest is silence.”

Be honest—if you were an agent, would you represent this book?   (Actually, told this way, it’d make a great comedy, so, sure, you’d take it on as a comedy, but as a tragedy?  Nah.)  Now that I think of it, maybe I should write the book.

The point is, queries may make agents' lives easier because they only have to read one page—but they tell you virtually nothing about the book.  I’ll bet they already know that.

And don’t even get me started on synopses. 

Technorati Tags: queries, agents, fiction, writing
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Queries & Great Info from an Agent

Before I get into the infallible process I've developed--the virtual query machine that requires constant oiling, tinkering, and howls of rage when the it breaks down--I want to bring to your attention an agent website with "must read" info on the process.

Jillian Manus of  The Manus & Associates Literary Agency has written a series of articles under Info for Writers on "How to Pitch" (both for fiction and non-fiction) with very clear advice about turning your 500 page behemoth into three or four compelling lines (I still don't think it's possible, but I'm getting closer,) "How to Write a Non-Fiction Proposal," and, perhaps most important "Fiction Genres Defined."  Even she admits the distinction between commercial and literary fiction is pretty unclear, but it's nice to hear a successful agent admit it.  There are also articles on "Publishing Deal Points" and "Basic Contract Check List."

Very worth your time, plus Ms. Manus's charm and humor pervade her writing.  She just seems like someone I'd like to work with.  I was going to query one of her other agents, but, what the hell, when you've written the next Reasonably Great American Novel, go for the top.

On to my tale of woe.  My agent, who had always dealt with non-fiction, accepted me on the basis of a truly screwball absurdest thriller.  He was supportive, encouraging, funny, appreciative...one of the great gentlemen I've met in my life. 

Then, in the middle of last year, he dropped the bomb.  He wasn't sure how to position this book and thought I could do better.  As he said, a new novelist's first entree into the market is the most important step you can take...so he told me to write another novel!  Sure, and while I was at it, to grow more hair on my head.

I wish I could remember what he said, but I did write a second novel in six months, took two months to send it out to people for edits, edited it three times myself, sent it to him, and got rave reviews.  Then the bomb dropped.  He's very ill and is shutting down his literary agency.  He couldn't have been more apologetic and supportive.  I feel worse for him than for me and told him he may have lost a client, but he certainly hasn't lost a friend.

O.k., enough maudlin crap. 

So...the query process.  The first time I went through this, anxiety became such a constant companion that I gave it a name:  Harvey. (Obscure joke)  The fact is that it's incredibly time consuming, but there are general formulas.  On this blog are a list of sites you can go to for help on finding agents, how to write queries, the dread synopses, etc.  Read them, study them. 

• Realize up front that you're going to spend hours doing research about each agent and the process.  Suck it up and live with it.
• I use ACT!, a contacts data base to keep track of agents, their likes and dislikes, what I've sent them and when, and how and if to follow up.  You can do the same with a spreadsheet or even a Word document, but keep a good list & keep it current.  Don't throw anything--even a rejection away.  You'll be at this for a long time, and you need a history of every agent you've contacted.
• Look for agents who take the kind of blather you're writing--sending blind queries off is just a waste of time.
• Go the each agent's website.  Not only are there different guidelines (thanks guys) but you'll learn something about the agent that you can use to personalize the query.
• Definitely check out Predator's & Editors--it does list the scam artists.
• Write and rewrite and rewrite your query.  It's more important than your book.
• Mr. Manus emphasizes the importance of the "pitch," those three sentences that capture the essence of your book.  Think of it this way.  Someone comes up and says, "what's your book about?"  If you can't answer in 10 seconds or so, you've lost them. 
• Unless advised otherwise, I avoid e-mail queries--they're too easy to delete.  Good agents get hundreds of queries a week.  At least with a letter, they'll probably skim the first paragraph.  Plus, it's still easier to read paper than a computer screen.
• This is not advice because it could be dangerous:  Forget the 1 page query rule.  At 12 point type, you can barely get the address and your name in.  But mine are never longer than 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 pages--although I'm beginning to think that I can further refine my query and maybe get it to one page.  (This is after I've sent off 6 already.)
• Follow the instructions about what to send with the query.  Violate those and you're toast.
• Agents are serious about top-quality white bond paper, using names rather than Dear Whomever, proper closings, and that the quality of the writing in your query is the indicator of the quality of your writing, period.

There's tons more, but it's all in the links.  Good luck to all of us aspiring and aspired writers.  Most of all, enjoy your writing.  That's what we're here for anyway.  That and the big, big bucks!

Technorati Tags: agents, queries, synopses, Jillian Manus, pitches, publishing, research, writer's resources
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AbsoluteWrite Gets Screwed

AbsoluteWrite is one of the premiere sites on the web for writers to share information, get help, find out about the impossible process of getting an agent, getting published, or simply finding a sympathetic ear.  Through a bizarre Kafka-esk series of events, they got shut down by a pissed-off agent and their web company for the most absurd of reasons.

Recently, I received this e-mail from Jenna Glatzer, the editor.  I'm reprinting it in full because it's simply beyond belief.

Hiya writers!

I’m not sure where to start.

The past nine days have been horrifying. You’ll need a little backstory to understand why.

One of the main functions of the Absolute Write Water Cooler (our message boards) is to warn writers about scams, inept agents, deadbeat publishers, and so on. To that aim, we’re a meeting ground for many “writers’ watchdogs.” Ann Crispin and Victoria Strauss run Writer Beware (a committee of the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America), and they came up with a list of the “20 Worst Literary Agents”—agents who charge up-front fees, get kickbacks from editorial services, etc. and make few or no sales to publishers.

They posted it on my board, and people commented on it. One person showed us a “cease and desist” letter she got from Barbara Bauer, an “agent” on that list. In the post, she included Barbara’s e-mail address.

Long story short: Barbara faxed and called our former hosting company, JC-Hosting, to tell them that we had “illegally” published her e-mail address. The hosting company “requested” that we take down the address. They also posted on the board to scold people and tell the moderators to take down the address.

I did take it down to appease them, but in the meantime, someone else posted the e-mail address. I explained that I wanted to get legal advice because I didn’t believe there was anything illegal about having the e-mail address there, and that bending to the hosting company’s wishes was also bending to a scammer. If I caved in whenever someone complained about being on the Bewares list (which happens every day), what would be the purpose of having it?

I asked the owner of the hosting company—a long-time member of our forum, by the way—not to shut us down while I got this legal advice. She wrote back with a big ole’ “LOL” and said she’d never do that unless forced to legally.

I got back to her to confirm that 47 USC Section 230 of the Telecommunications Act covers this situation completely. It is an absolute defense for ISPs concerning material posted by third parties on websites. Barbara can only go after the person doing the ‘harassing’ (and posting an e-mail address was not harassing)-- they cannot go after me as the website owner, nor them as the ISP. I also let her know that e-mail addresses, by matter of law, are not private. In other words, she’s safe and we didn’t do anything wrong.

She wrote another post on my message board scolding people again, which blew my mind. What right did she have to post private business on my site? She was flashing a neon sign to scammers: “Want to get rid of this site? Just call me! I’ll take down the site for the flimsiest reason you can come up with!”

Soon thereafter, I went out to run some errands, came home, and found a notice from the host: “You have till 8pm CST today (05/23/06) to remove the post [defunct url] entirely (we tried to compromise here but your users took it one step further) or we will suspend the site for harassment to an individual’s character (which has now threaten us with legal actions), till such agreement is made that you will comply with our A.U.P. and T.O.S.”

That was one hour away. I told them I needed more time; they refused. I tried to have our databases backed up in time, but they shut us down in the middle of the backup and the forums were not retrievable. Years of posts, gone.

For the past 9 days, they’ve been holding our data hostage. Twice they’ve promised us access and gone back on their word. They’ve stalled and tried to come up with criminal charges against me and tried to get me to pay their expenses. They’ve changed their story and their demands repeatedly. All I know is that they’re still not giving us back our databases.

Unfortunately, that means it’s been 9 days of almost no site income. We have no storefront, the Google Ads were not on, I couldn’t send a newsletter because the site wasn’t working, etc. And the bills are raging. In the meantime, we have to rebuild—so our staff and volunteers have been working nearly around the clock all week.

We haven’t been alone, though. Pretty much the moment the site went down, the writing and publishing community responded… big-time!

Stories about this have appeared on Making Light, BoingBoing, PublishersLunch, and hundreds of other places. The “20 Worst Agents” list is now all over the ‘net (sorry, Barbara—it was a short-lived victory, wasn’t it? You thought you’d just take down my site and no one would find out about your reputation… surprise!). As Chalicechick put it, “Yeah… you don’t want to go getting the Internet mad at you.”

Kira Connally has collected more than 100 links about this here: http://kiraconnally.com/blog/?page_id=218

And here’s probably my favorite thread so far about all this:

The Solidarity Pledge    

And here’s the one that made me laugh hardest:

http://p-n-elrod.livejournal.com/12120.html

I didn’t want to have to do this, but I don’t have a choice anymore… I need to ask for help. If you would like to contribute toward our legal expenses, hosting costs, rebuilding efforts, etc., I’d really appreciate it.

The PayPal button is here:

http://jennaglatzer.blogspot.com/

I've already made my pledge.  You should as well.  When sites such as this can be virtually put out of business by unscrupulous louts, all writers and all writer sites are in danger.

Solidarity!  (Hmmm.  I sound like a communist...or is that a Polish communist?  Oh well, you get the idea.  We gotta stick together.

Technorati Tags: AbsoluteWrite, Writer Beware, Bad Agents, Literary Agents, Agent Scams, 20 Worst Literary Agents
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More on Queries From Agents

Send us a one-page query.

Sure and cure cancer while you're at it.  One page query!  Hell, the address, thanks, and signature take up half the page.

Having gotten five rejections so far, I took a look at my query last night and decided it sucked.  I was trying to do too much, and it became a series of events thrown together with no rhyme or reason.  In the interest of perhaps being of some use to others struggling with queries, here's the write-up on my novel in the 83rd version that I rejected last night:

Original Query--just the stuff about the novel:

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”  Henry David Thoreau

In 1959, even before 12-year-old Edmund Dantes Horowitz finds his father trying to cut off his leg with a chain saw, his uncanny survival skills in a dysfunctional world are being challenged. Named after The Count of Monte Cristo, he feels trapped on a roller coaster into The Twilight Zone. 

A Bar Mitzvah present from his best friend’s parents, a gay cross dresser and a bull dyke, contains an inscription he can neither understand nor ignore.  His father’s one-way conversations with God lead him through unsolvable mazes about one’s relationship with God. 

His father loses his leg in a car accident, which provides the financial resources he’s needed to go to college, which is somehow related to his mother abandoning the family. And the intercession of a wealthy benefactress offers him access to a world he’d never imagined. 

When he deciphers the inscription, “May You Escape from Prison, Embark on Great Adventures, and Wreak Vengeance on Your Enemies,” he fears that the future dangled before him to escape Thoreau’s warning depends on his embracing the last part of the message—something he knows he can’t do.

Then, today, I discovered an old article describing a query letter this agent loved at Agent 007 on Publishing. 

"The query letters I fall in love with are the ones with the original title, a wonderfully brief paragraph that tells me exactly what the book is about, and a snappy paragraph that tells me who the author is. A good query letter sparks my imagination so that I’m already seeing the book’s cover and flap copy. Suddenly, the imaginary book is on the shelf, magically filling in a gap that was waiting for just the right book. I can see it there! And I can see exactly who is buying it.  If the author can do that in the span of a three-or-four-paragraph query letter, I can't wait to see more."

That wasn't my query.  Then I read the comments, and paulv wrote, "If you're trying to sell anything, scarcity is your friend. A parallel idea from the stock market: "Buy the rumor, sell the fact." A good query generates a sense of mystique, which is what we fall in love with, after all."

Scarcity.  Generate a sense of mystique.  That's what was missing from my query.  Not only was I able to rewrite it, but the whole thing fits nicely onto one page.  Here's the new version.  I think it's better.  Comments would be greatly appreciated.

New, one hopes improved query:

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”  Henry David Thoreau

Even before 12-year-old Edmund Dantes Horowitz, named after the hero of The Count of Monte Cristo, finds his father trying to cut off his leg with a chain saw, his uncanny survival skills in a dysfunctional world are being challenged.  He doesn’t expect the world to make sense, but he isn’t prepared for the bizarre events that dump him onto a roller coaster into The Twilight Zone. 

Just as he realizes that survival is not an option, that he must learn to thrive, the intercession of a wealthy benefactress offers him access to a world he never imagined.  His quandary is that her continual testing puts him in a position where a critical decision may cause him to lose all she offers.

I've just sent out two more queries, and I hope to get a few more out tomorrow.  It'll be interesting to see if the new one generates a better response.  But my point is that if you follow the advice from Agent 007 and johnv (whoever you are, thank you), you can turn a 450 novel into two paragraphs.

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Waiting for an Agent's Reply

After the novel is written,
After the manuscript's sent,
Oh, will one's agent be bitten,
Or will he begin to repent

That he ever agreed to accept you?
A virgin you lie on the daybed
Awaiting a call from one's true,
Will he declare your career's dead

Or will he cast roses in bloom?
At what point should I deign to call him?
At what point should I accept doom
And accept that my future is dim?

My heart and my soul and what wisdom
I've gleaned o'er the years are adrift
In a turbulence that I've no relief from
'Til my agent delivers his gift.

Fear & Loathing as the Editor

The novel was complete, having gone through one thorough edit and my bride's careful eye. Then it was put on a shelf next to the wine to age for a month. I think that was the problem with my first book--I didn't get enough distance from it before I started editing & I missed a lot of places where it needed to be tightened.

I think that writers who let the unconscious rule the process, particularly those with a tendency towards the absurd, get a lot of good wierd stuff, but the unconscious violates the sacred rule laid down by Strunk & White in The Elements of Style: "Omit needless words, omit needless words, omit needless words."

February took forever to get here. That's when I could start editing, but now I'm on the horns of dilemma.

One horn is the detailed editing. I'm going very slowly, finding all those stupid typos that spell check won't highlight, turning long phases into shorter, tighter ones, and I think I'm improving the flow.

But the other horn is the entire story itself--reading the book as if it were the first time. I can't do both.

Does this mean I have to read it twice? I've already read it so many times, it's beginning to show signs of age. How in the world do I approach it with a fresh eye?

My agent's read the first two hundred pages & loves it, but he's said the next version has to be it! He's not interested in reading it two or three more times--not that I blame him.

We'll see. I've never been in this situation before. It's not as much fun as writing, and I don't know how good I am at editing my own work.

Anyway, an interesting situation.

From Post Box to Agency Inbox

From time to time, I come across articles about the writer's life that are important--because they offer great advice, bolster our sometimes fragile egos with encouragement, or just let us know that someone out there understands.  Kristin Nelson of the Nelson Literary Agency wrote an article, "From Post Box to Agency Inbox": An Insider Looks at How an Agent Reads and Evaluates the Requested Sample Pages for Your Novel.  She accomplishes all three.

It was posted on Backspace: The Writer's Place, a terrific site with tons of great articles and ideas.

Particularly if you're still looking for an agent, Ms. Nelson approaches the reality of goes on behind the closed doors of an ageny with honesty, openness, candor, humor, and a real empathy for the writer's plight.  It probably won't help you get an agent, but it sure puts the process in perspective.