Parodies Lost

Rumsfeld-Fight Terrorists with Ink

In a speech to the Council on Foreign Relations, Defense Secretary Donald "Don't shoot 'til you see their bloodshot eyes" Rumsfeld called on the military to drop buckets of ink on terrorists so they'd be easier to spot and shoot.  (He didn't comment on whether he advised Cheney to spill ink on Harry Whittington, the friend he shot.)

O.k., not really.  He did call for a more effective communications campaign to combat terrorism.  Duh?  "Our enemies have skillfully adapted to fighting wars in today's media age, but for the most part we, our country, our government, has not," he told the assembled deep thinkers, who scratched their chins and nodded sagely.

His idea is to continue to buy coverage in Muslim newspapers.  We also have to stop being reactive.  He wants a 24-hour media operation to pump out good news about America.  And who's to blame?  The media, of course, for hampering such initiatives.

As a public relations expert, Rummy makes a lousy Defense Secretary.  He's right that we're getting our brains battered in the battle for world & U.S. public opinion, but he doesn't have a clue how to wage that war. 

Like too many people, he equates media with public relations or communications, which is, how do we put this delicately...dumber than a bucket of hair.  There's a great PR saying, "You can't sell from an empty wagon," and that describes our situation.

First, you have to understand the audiences you're trying to reach, how receptive they are to your messages, what are their needs, issues, fears, and desires.

Second, you have to break down their barriers--I call it "The Disarming Prelude"--through empathy, respect, honesty, and even acknowledging the legitimacy of some of their concerns.  Only when you begin to lower the level of intensity and negativity, only when you give them a chance to voice their concerns and see that you take them seriously, will people then listen and maybe consider your point of view.

Third, you have to offer something credible and real.  Denial and rejection--even if correct--won't work when people are already convinced you're doing something wrong.

Fourth, you have to walk your talk.  Peter Drucker once said, "Policy is what you do, not what you say."  Look at what we're doing & our policy, at best, looks like the Keystone Kops chasing the Road Runner and squashing Wiley Coyote on the way.

I could drone on forever.  In fact, I think I have.  But, Mr. Rumsfeld, it's old hat to blame the media for your problems.  Pick a new target.  Blame someone new--like liberals.

In Jamesons Veritas

Political Sanity: Fact or Fiction?

I was going to write about the Bush Bubble Machine's latest magical mystery tour budget, and I still will.  First, as a curmudgeon-in-training, it's my moral obligation.  And second, we've never had a bigger liar in the white house since Nixon.  Now I'm not saying W is corrupt or evil, but he must have an embroidered sign over his bed with Mark Twain's quote:  "You can never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."

But that's not what I want to write about.  In fact, I'm not going to write at all...except that I already am...oh well.  Poldark Maximus' site has an hysterical post on the upcoming presidential elections as well as one filled with deep wisdom and sagacity--since I agree with much of it.  Perhaps it's the continuing loss of memory cells that causes me to say the same thing over and over.  Or perhaps it's the continuing loss of memory cells that causes me to say the same thing over and over.  But I sense a certain annoyance with ideological extremism getting in the way of rational discourse.  Ol' Poldark is heading in the right direction.

The serious stuff: 

a) the country needs an extended period of political and emotional reconciliation, full stop; that b) hardliners to the left OR to the right simply need not apply and waste our time and c) no single party or candidate OWNS the war on terrorism, the protection of civil liberties, the hard answers to retirement and health care or immigration policy and d) if UBL continues to scare the shit out of you, FINE, because it took 30 years to fight the 30 Years War and that was over fine points of religion among Catholics, Lutherans and Calvinists who all worshiped the same God, more or less.

And a hint of the hysterical:

1. Is there anything better in life than a BLT? What is it?
2. You see an injured deer on the side of the road in its obvious death-throes. What do you do? A) Drive on down the road B) Call the State Police C) Draw your sidearm and shoot it in the heart D) Call your campaign manager and ask them what action would carry Ohio?
3. Do you pray at your desk, in bed, or in the shower? To whom?

Read it all here:  Poldark Maximus

In Jamesons Veritas

"War Footing"

Regarding President Bush's handling of the war on terrorism and the invasion of Iraq, "Something is missing in the Bush administration's approach, and in manifests itself in a number of inadequate and sometimes even feckless steps that fail to produce a determined effort, a coherent strategy, or a rallied nation."  Written by a head-in-the-sand liberal?  Anti-Bush, anti-war activist?  Try R. James Woolsey, President Regan's CIA director, who notes, "Even among those of us who support...President Bush...there persists a pervasive disquiet. [Emphasis added.]

Thus begins the Foreword to one of the most disturbing--even terrifying--books on the state of the world today, War Footing, by Frank J. Gaffney, former assistant secretary for defense for international security policy under President Reagan and founder of the Center for Security Policy. 

Some books startle you from the beginning, shaking you out of complacency into a new understanding.  Others build slowly, often reminding you of what you've already read, but by putting the various links together in new ways, leave you shaken, distressed, and muttering, "I never thought about it that way before."  War Footing is in the latter category.  Whatever one's political philosophy--and there's enough in the book to offend everyone--I can't imagine anyone rejecting Gaffney's opening argument that this book is "your owner's manual for the War for the Free World."  Whether one accepts the entire thesis or not, this is a serious, must-read book for anyone concerned about what's going on in the world--we ignore it at our own peril.

No one escapes Gaffney's criticism:  the administration's strategic myopia and pathetic attempts at public diplomacy, the Defense Department's refusal to understand the nature of the enemy, the State Department's undermining of administration policy, corporations who knowingly do business with countries supporting terrorist activities, and the entire country for refusing to take concrete steps that could be implemented quickly and relatively painlessly to end our suicidal dependence on foreign oil.

Making a clear distinction between the majority of Muslims who pose no threat, Gaffney identifies what he calls "the new totalitarians," Islamofascists, and compares them and their goals with those of Hitler, Stalin, and other fascists determined to create a new world order--one in which Americans aren't welcome. 

War Footing is not a dense, policy wonk's dissertation, although there are times one wishes he'd written the thousand-page companion--it is, as he describes, a manual.  At 270 pages, he sets out ten specific steps that need to be taken immediately if we are to survive the coming decades.   

At the same time, he examines the world, region by region, exposing the growing Islamofascist threat.  It shouldn't be news to anyone that Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak is a dictatorial thug who has done everything, including killing wannabe voters, to rig the current election.  And yet, in the Saturday, December 10th Washington Post, the failure of his efforts--and our billion-dollar a year support became clear with the following headline: "Banned Islamic Movement Now the Main Opposition in Egypt." 

If it were only Egypt, perhaps one could relax, but there is literally no world area that, in one way or another, is immune from the Islamofascists or in league with them to thwart American interests.  One might take exception to some of Gaffney's claims, but if he's only fifty percent right, America is woefully unprepared--both to confront the problems overseas and manage them at home.  In the same edition of the Post was a disquieting report that our crisis communications systems are no better than they were pre-9/11.  More billions wasted.

Gaffney--and the considerable group of experts with whom he collaborated--fall well into the conservative arena, and, as a hard-core liberal, I found myself at times frustrated with some of the rhetoric.  (I'm reassured by the fact that hard-core conservatives will be just as frustrated by his criticisms of the administration and big business.)   But there's no question that Russia and China continue to act against our interests around the world, that the Saudis continue to spread and fund the most virulent form of Islamic extremism, that Pakistan, Turkey, and Egypt are at risk of being taken over by the Islamofascists, that demographic, economic, and immigration problems in Europe threaten that continent's future viability...and that America isn't having the kind of open, honest dialogue necessary to fully understand and respond to the real world.   

Parody is Dead

So I haven't posted in a quite a while, sue me.  I've been waiting for something to ridicule, but it's almost impossible to make fun of a world where people seem to work full time making fun of themselves--albeit unintentionally.

Now the Catholic Church is going after anyone who even supports gay culture--straight people who aren't offended by gay people can't be priests.  Taken to the extreme, if you and your spouse (I'm assuming no one reading this would dare have sex out of marriage) do anything but, as Shakespeare said, "make the beast with two backs," i.e. have any kind of sex except for the purpose of procreation, you're sinners, evil in the eyes of the Lord--or at least the Pope's populace and an amazing number of weird Protestant & Jews. 

Mutual masturbation--oops...sorry, go directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.  Use birth control--sorry, not allowed even for non-Catholics.  Play some games that result in all his Mr. Wigglies wandering around outside the womb, wham, marked with the sign of Lucifer.

How can I turn that into parody?  They've already done it?

And it turns out that millions of dollars people donated in hurricane relief went to the good people of Jacksonville, MI -- whose major problem was that they lost electricity for a while.  Terrifying winds of up to 35 mph rampaged through that poor community.  Some people got a few thousand dollars for their problems.  You gotta love America.  We are sooooo generous.

According to James Fallows in this month's Atlantic (I will post on that shortly), the Bush administration, especially Rumsfeld, Rice, Cheney and his royal nibs--are bored with Iraq.  Bored!  I, alas, am speechless.

Dopey Democrats are can't even figure out how to criticize the administration.  Immediate pull out?  Omigosh--the invasion played right into Osama Bin Laden's hands because he knew Americans didn't have the balls to do it right, stick it out (sorry, sexual metaphor there--I'm now damned for eternity), and would do a cut and run.  Whatever idiocy caused us to invade in the first place, the problem is not and has not been left/right, liberal/conservative/, Republican/Democrat...it's been unbelievable, unfathomable incompetence. 

Medicare drug benefits?  How can you make fun of something so confusing, Ph.Ds can't figure it out?  And it shouldn't be a surprise.  When the stupid plan was announced, people said it was complicated to the point of absurdity.  Samuel Beckett couldn't have written a play more absurd than what the administration is putting seniors through.  Kafka's The Castle was some mild dislocation compared to the bureaucratic maze grannie and grandpa are negotiating.

Sigh.  I wish people would stop taking whatever pills are making them crazy so I could go back to making fun of them. 

To paraphrase Mark Twain, "Why shouldn't life be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense."

It is a Good Day to Die

Warning!  Do not, I repeat, do not read the first section of The Washington Post today if you have a weak stomach.  Fool that I am, the front page wasn't enough, so I kept going.  By the time I finished the columns, I felt like Chief Dan George in Little Big Man, whose tag line was "It is a good day to die." 

What a mess we've created for ourselves.  (Well, I'm not responsible.  I'm an innocent.  Plus I blog which means I'm going my part to befoul the netwaves with blather and useless opinion.)

We start with the ever more weird VP Dick Cheney deciding that American values don't apply to the CIA.  Seems the Bush Bubble Machine wants to except the CIA from a legislative measure endorsed by 90 Senators (so some Republicans must have agreed) that would bar inhumane treatment to prisoners accused to terrorist activity.  Of course, it'll require "a presidential finding that 'such operations are vital to the protection of the United States or its citizens from terrorist attack.'  But the precise applicability of this section is not clear..."  Yeah, like Bush says, "I find that beating the shit out of these guys is vital to protection of the United States."

I understand the emotional response of wanting to beat up people who want to kill you.  After all, from an evolutionary sense, we're only about an hour from some caveman who crawled out, picked up a stick and thought, "Ughuh, mngushush rushushmum." (Translation, "Hey, I bet I can bean someone with this stick.)

But that's why we have a Constitution, Bill of Rights, and are a nation of laws--specifically to prevent us from letting our primitive rage overcome what we intellectually know is wrong.

Moving on, conservatives are working themselves into a whirling dervish frenzy over Supreme Court nominee, Meirs.  It'd be laughable if it was so pitiful.  No discussion about her total lack of qualifications--she ain't conservative enough. 

Daddy's Little Girl:  An 8 year old bagged the first bear of Maryland's hunting season.  Gosh it's great to be an American where even little girls can learn the manly art of killing.  She had to miss a day of school, but, hey, where can you learn life's real lessons except with a gun in your hand.  Hell with school.

And regarding the Mesopotamia (thanks to John Stewart's "The Daily Show"), the new continues to make one proud to be an American.  Bomb kills 16 more in hotel.  "The attack was one of the most complex and coordinated that insurgents have launched in Baghdad. Using rockets, small-arms fire and three suicide bombs, they killed at least 16 people and wounded 22, according to government officials, police and witnesses."  Sigh.  But at least we're winning the "body count" war.  Shudder.  Now if we could only find places for the thousands made homeless by our war to bring democracy to Iraq. 

And for those who think I'm just another pointy-headed liberal, today's column by Richard Cohen offers a depressing realization that the Democrats have seem to have lost any moral compass when it comes to our international affairs, ceding the territory to the Republicans, who, for all their faults, at least believe they're spreading Democracy.  They may only be spreading terrorism, but at least they have some moral compass.  They stole it from the Democrats & the Dems never even noticed.

Oh there's more...the Israel/Palestinian peace process breaking down, conservatives attacking Bush, coral dying in the Caribbean because of higher temperatures...oh well.  At least it's raining outside.  I can take some consolation from that.

Intelligent Life in the Universe?

'Tis a question that rocks the very sages back on their well-worn heels--is there intelligent life in the universe.  I used to think SETI (Search for Extra-terresteral Life) was an exercise in humanity's search into the unknown.  Now I know better. 

In a recent interview, Dr. Leopold E. Paster, astrophysicist at the Jerkes Astronomical Observatory,  revealed the truth about SETI.  Luckily, we were in a bar in New Orleans, we were down and out...wait, someone else wrote that.  Well, we were three sheets to the wind, whatever that means, which caused him to let down his guard and reveal the truth.

At the time, we were talking about the bar maid.  Although we could only dimly make her out through the smoke in the room and fog in our brains, we both agreed she was a real looker.  That set him off.

"Looker...looking...searching," he muttered.  "That just brings back memories I'm trying to crush."

"What's that?" I asked, searching for my drink.

"Looking...SETI...Is there intelligent life in the universe."

"Well," I asked, finding my drink on the floor and deciding it was easier to order another one than try to get the Jameson's Irish whiskey from the floor back into the glass, "is there?"

"Bah, who cares?" he said sadly.  "The real question is, is there intelligent life on earth?"

Truly, I was shocked.  How could he ask such a question?  So I asked him.

"How can you ask such a question?"

He gave me a withering look.  "Open your eyes, meatball.  Look at what's going on around you."

I looked around and saw a bunch of drunks and what I was sure was a very cute bar maid.

"Well," I said, "this is a small sample."

"Bah and more bah," he said.  "Do you realize that a majority of Americans don't think humans evolved from earlier species?  Almost half don't think plants and animals evolved.  Almost two-thirds think we were created directly by God.  There's a museum in Petersburk, Kentucky where they tell people that T-Rex lived in Eden."

"No wonder Adam and Eve bolted," I said.  "Hard to call it Eden when you've got some maurading dinosaur trying to turn you into a mid-morning snack."

"No," he said.  "They claim that this T-Rex was a vegetarian."

My jaw dropped.  He looked at me and shook his head. 

"Just look at you gaping like some moronic elected representative of the people, which brings up more evidence that there's no intelligent life on earth.  Do you know who the most respected world leader is?"

"George Bush?" I guessed.

"He proves my point once again," Dr. Paster said to himself.  "No, according to a Gallop Poll, it's Vladimir Putin.  When I heard that, I almost choked, but then I started thinking.  It's a set-up poll.  It's like asking which turd floating in a pond is the least offensive.  Face it, can you think of one president in your lifetime that you're proud of?  Or one politician today you'd enthusiastically support for president?"

"Edward Kennedy?" I was getting desperate and confused.

"Dolt," he muttered.  "We go to war for the wrong reasons, we don't know what to do when we've won the war, there's an earthquake that kills tens of thousands in Kashmir and the Muslims and Hindus are still killing each other there, middle class Muslims are becoming born again suicidal maniacs, the Chinese are working mightily to win the prize for the greatest pollutor in the history of humanity...ah, who cares?"

"I care," I said meekly.

"Sure you do.  Do you care that we've created a world where millions of children a year die of malaria when the proper use of DDT would save them--but, no, DDT bad, hurts little birdie eggs, let the babies die.  Do you care that millions of American children go to bed hungry every night?  Do you care that...ah, forget it."

Well, Dr. Paster went on for a long time, but that's all I can remember...except for the startling revelation that scientists were looking for intelligent life in in the universe in the faint hope they could get them to come here and straighten things out.

(By the way, Leopold E. Paster is not his real name...but if you're smart, you can figure it out.)

'urp.

Intelligent Design? Don't Make Me Laugh.

Let me get this straight.  The purveyors of Intelligent Design argue that evolution can't account for the incredibly complexity of life--ergo (Latin for duh) there has to be some intelligence (religious twinkie code word for God) that designed life.

Well, if that's true, that intelligence certainly didn't design anyone I know.  Let's look at how well we're designed.

• The second I turned 40, I had to go out and get reading glasses.  Then I needed mid-range glasses so I could see my computer screen.  What, he couldn't design an eye that didn't weare out before the rest of me?
• Talk about design flaws, there's this little valve between your esophagus and your stomach.  If it doesn't work right, stomach acid backs up into your esophagus.  It's called acid reflux.  Should this happen when you're sleeping, you'll swear some vampire hunter mistook you for Dracula's spawn and drove a stake into your heart.  Nice work, Mr. Intelligent Designer.
• And advanced planning?  Forgetaboutit.  First you put all this good stuff on the earth like chocolate, whipped cream, hamburgers, onion rings, french fries, Oreos, HoHos, Irish whiskey, cognac and armagnac--and then we find that we're supposed to steal food from rabbits if we want to live long and prosper.  Nice gesture.  The intelligent designer has a vicious sense of humor.
• Speaking of intelligence, Mr. I.D. creates human brains with the capacity to develop extraordinary technological achievements such as the atom bomb, napalm, plastic explosives, cop-killing bullets, global warming, holes in the ozone layer...but without the maturity and wisdom to control those technologies or use technology for some silly ass liberal program such as feeding and housing and teaching the poor.

Those of you who want to promote Intelligent Design have to do more than argue complexity--you have to explain why God (let's call a rock a stone, shall we?) was such a lousy designer.  I mean, I didn't even mention baldness.

And just to rub salt in the gaping wounds of this idiotic theory, check out the latest news from a story in Monday, September 26th Washington Post that describes powerful evidence supporting the theory of evolution.  Theories have to predict things that are testable.  (Something for which we're still waiting from the I.D. folks.)

If Darwin was right, for example, then scientists should be able to perform a neat trick. Using a mathematical formula that emerges from evolutionary theory, they should be able to predict the number of harmful mutations in chimpanzee DNA by knowing the number of mutations in a different species' DNA and the two animals' population sizes.

"That's a very specific prediction," said Eric Lander, a geneticist at the Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard in Cambridge, Mass., and a leader in the chimp project.

Sure enough, when Lander and his colleagues tallied the harmful mutations in the chimp genome, the number fit perfectly into the range that evolutionary theory had predicted.

Their analysis was just the latest of many in such disparate fields as genetics, biochemistry, geology and paleontology that in recent years have added new credence to the central tenet of evolutionary theory: That a smidgeon of cells 3.5 billion years ago could -- through mechanisms no more extraordinary than random mutation and natural selection -- give rise to the astonishing tapestry of biological diversity that today thrives on Earth.

I know there are serious, well-meaning people who believe that evolution represents a threat to religion.  I know they're afraid of our becoming a secular society rejecting Christianity to bow before the icon of Charles Darwin.  I know they want the U.S. to be a Christian nation (in complete violation of the wishes of the founding fathers.) 

Evolution is only a threat to religion if you're still holding on to Bishop Ussher's bizarre declaration that the world was created about 4,000 years ago (I forget the exact day and time, but he figured it out.) 

Actually, it's the I.D. fanatics that are the greatest threat to religion.  Come to think of it, the I.D. fanatics are the best evidence that Intelligent Design couldn't possibly be true.

 

The Voice of God

Here's the deal.  In the old testament, God is a blabbermouth, you'll pardon the expression.  But let's face it, you can't shut the guy up.

"Noah, go build me an ark.  I'm going to flood the planet."

Noah protests.  "Hey Noah, how long can you tread water."  (With a tip o' the hat to Bill Cosby.)

"Abraham, go get your son & kill him for me."

"Lot, get your family the hell out of Sodom and Gomorrah and don't look back."  (Personally, I think turning his wife to mound of salt for looking back is pretty mean spirited on God's part.) 

And poor Moses.  The guy couldn't turn around without God giving him advice.  Job?  I'm sure Job would have been just as happy never to have heard from Him.

And so it goes...and yet...as the old testament proceeds, God talks to fewer and fewer people.  By the time of the new testament, the only person he'll talk to is Jesus & that's like talking to yourself, at least according to the Christians.  (I may be wrong, of course.  God may have talked to other people...but the trend, I believe, is right.)

So, it's natural to ask, what happened?  How come God isn't talking to anyone anymore?  Or is he bending Billy Graham's ear but Graham's decided not to reveal it?

Sure, there are zillions of radio preachers and born again zealots who'll claim that God speaks to them, but, I'm sorry, if I'm God & I have everyone in the world to choose from, I'm going to pick the fringe patrol?  I don't think so.  Whatever you think of HIM, He ain't dumb.  He'd pick people like Desmond Tutu or Mother Teresa (before she died of course...now she probably has a seat at the head table) or ... hmmm, it's hard to think of who He'd want to talk to. 

Ah, Walter Cronkite, of course.

This is getting alarming...it is late & I'm just blathering, but you'd think I could come up with more people than this for God to talk to.  I know there are tons of great folk doing good work that I don't know, but when you think of the major domos, there's this giant void where moral, ethical behavior would attract His attention. 

John Stewart of the Daily Show?  Entertaining, of course, but somewhat sad if that's the highest ethical standard humanity can offer.

Me?  Well, that's between me and Him & ain't none of your business.

So...here's the challenge.  Take off your ideological and religious hats & put together a list of people alive today worthy of a conversation with God.  If George Bush is on your list, don't even bother to respond.  Your ideology has been super-glued to your brain.  You'll notice I didn't put Edward Kennedy on the list or Jimmy Carter.

And, while you're at it, come up with reasons He seems to have gone so silent over the centuries.

My humblest thanks.

Stem Cell Insanity

I admit I'm a little slow with complex moral issues, so I called Professor Still Birf at the University of Southern Tennessee to ask about all this stem cell controversy.

Me:  Dr. Birf, I just read in the New York Times about a Swiss team of doctors who found that fetal skin cells could be used to treat serious burns.  They treated 8 badly burned children and avoided having to use painful skin grafts that often don't work and usually leave the kids disfigured.  They called it "a biological bandage that stimulated healing."

Dr. Birf:  So they claim.

Me:  You don't believe them?

Dr. Birf:  Everyone knows the Swiss are Godless communists with no respect for human life.

Me:  Wow, I guess Nancy Reagan must be Swiss. 

Dr. Birf:  I've been trying to tell people that for years, but no ones listening.

Me:  O.k., but I don't understand the president's opposition to expanding stem cell research.  Researchers want to use fertilized eggs that couples were using to get pregnant.  When they succeed, they throw all the other eggs out.  Why can't they be used for research?

Dr. Birf:  Life begins at conception.

Me:  Whose conception?

Dr. Birf:  Huh?

Me:  Never mind.  But these eggs are going to be destroyed.  They could save lives.  It's not like they're ever going to grow up and become Democrats or something.  Just imagine--if people had been allowed to experiment with them, they might have found a cure for Alzheimer's and Ronald Reagan might be alive today.

Dr. Birf:  Hey, are you one of those Godless communists?

Me:  Not that I know of.  I still don't understand your objection to using these cells.

Dr. Birf:  I'm not surprised.  It's very complex.  Think of a slippery slope.  First you use these fertilized eggs, then you use aborted fetuses, and then what?  Two-year old babies you don't want anymore?  All life is sacred.

Me:  Oh, I get it.  The slope could be so bad that eventually they'd be using criminals who'd been executed.

Dr. Birf:  Oh, that's be o.k.

Me:  But I thought all life was sacred.

Dr. Birf:  Not when you're a hardened criminal and a menace to society.

Me:  Wait a minute.  You couldn't use two-year ODs--they're not fetuses anymore.

Dr. Birf:  It's not clear when a fetus becomes a baby--that's why we have to be ever vigilant.

Me:  Thank you, Dr. P.  That's all so much clearer now.

Dr. Birf:  Really?  Could you send me a transcript?

Me:  Sure.

All The News That's Fit to Puke

Good morning, Mr. & Ms. America.  News flash:  Bush Backs Intelligent Design.  According to the Washington Post, the president calls for open dialogue in our schools--"both sides should be properly taught," said the Ivy League graduate.  Congressman Barney Frank responded, "People might cite George Bush as proof that you can be totally impervious to the ffects of Harvard and Yale education."

I'm willing to accept that some religious people fear that evolution is a threat to their religion, although I don't agree.  But I'm not willing to give the Prez that leeway.  The religious right is on the move & that, Mr. & Ms. America is not good for U.S.  The creationists cite all the holes and problems with evolution.  Hey, go study quantum physics if you want to see holes & problems & confusion & theories that even physicists admit they don't understand except through mathematical formulae.  But they're still scientific theories, i.e., they can be tested.  Creationism cannot be tested, therefore, it's not a scientific theory.  Post Hoc Propter, ergo cogito sum.

Page Two:  If they wont talk, beat them to death.  Iraqi Maj. Gen. Abed Hamed Mowhoush was beat to death in prison by Americans because he wouldn't tell them how to pronounce his last name.  Since the CIA was involved, it's all classified, so I won't say anything for fear of the same treatment.

Page Three:  Another day, another few dead Americans and Iraqis.  Not to mention fuel rationing in the country with the second largest oil reserves in the world.  Yup, we're winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people.  It's just their guns that hate us. 

Page Four:  Goodnight Mr. & Ms. America.  And God help us all.

Evolution vs. Intelligent Design

Driving around yesterday, I was listening to Kojo Nandi on WKMU, one of those ultra-liberal, anti-American, Commie-inspired public radio stations.  Someone called in to talk about evolution.  I almost ran off the road as I heard this intelligent-sounding fellow talk about how many scientists have given up on evolution, that it's not even really a theory but a hypothesis, that there's no proof of evolution, that the fossil record is a joke, and that "fairness" demands that we teach Intelligent Design as well as evolution.

He was so full of buffalo lard, it's hard to even know where to begin, but the sad reality is that people like this can't be swayed by reason, logic, or facts.  They've distorted the world to fit their own bizarre world view.

And then I remembered two things: 

First, a quote in this month's Discover Magazine by Nobel laureate Leon Lederman in his 1993 book The God Particle.  He said, “The Higgs field, the standard model, and our picture of how God made the universe depend on finding the Higgs boson."  And I realized something.  Scientists have no problem with God.  Many physicists, biologists, astronomers and others are deeply religious.  One of Einstein's most famous quotes was a result of his dismay at the implications of quantum physics--namely that the world is governed by probability curves and is not Newtonian.  Einstein:  "I cannot believe that God plays dice with the world.

Many scientists see no dispute between God and science.  Why then do so many at the fringe of Christianity get themselves tied in knots over science.

Second, the notion that the Bible's to be taken literally and that the Lord created the world in 6 days.  And I remembered that great quote from "Inherit the Wind," the play about the July 1925 Scopes Monkey trial over teaching evolution in school.   At one point,  Clarence Darrow put Williams Jenning Bryan on the stand (their names in the play were changed) and browbeats him into acknowledging that since God didn't create the sun until the 3rd (4th?  I can't find my copy) day, how could one know that the first day was 24 hours--maybe it was 25 hours...or 25 million years.

But I come back, confused & bewildered by those who are either so ignorant or disingenuous as to preach that the English version of the Bible we read is the revealed word.  Have they read the original version in Aramaic, or the subsequent Greek and Hebrew versions?  Do they know how many conflicting passages there are in even the King James' version?  I must confess, I don't understand their fear of evolution and science.

But I do know and fear their growing power and influence.

Torture: The New American Pastime

"A Poem for A New America"

I must admit that baseball's boring, Basketball's no fun.

Hockey's just one step away from using gattling guns. 

Football's too demented, Tennis & Golf?  Passe;

There's really only one sport left that says, "the American way."

Torture- there's a man's game, although it's hard to see.

It's not the kind of spectacle they'd broadcast on TV.

But even so, one can fantasize just what it would be like

To burn a little human flesh or puncture it with a spike.

Don't balk!  The Romans did it, and we should emulate

The lessons that they left behind that made them truly great.

Americans--you've become girlie-men, you flinch at tough decisions,

Like poking someone's eyeballs out or making deep incisions

With rusty blades or bayonettes.  How 'bout stripping them nude?

That way, we can taunt their religion.  Fuck 'em if they think were rude.

I'm proud to be an American, cause it means I can own a gun,

And if people don't think it's right, I can shoot them just for fun.

So in a Reuter's article today, our best friends, the British, accuse us of major human rights violations.  "Grave human rights violations," in fact, "against prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, Afghanistan and Iraq."  Big deal.  If they weren't guilty, they wouldn't be there, and since they're guilty, they're fair game.

The British!  Bah.  They lost their empire and now they're play spoilsport because we're finally enjoying ours.

Being Smart in Iraq: James Fallows

April's Atlantic Monthly  has a celebration of the obvious written by James Fallows, one of the true Renaissance reporters around these days.  His article, "Getting Out Right," can only be read in full if you subscribe, so I'll outline his points.  Most them fall into the category of "Mr. President, Mr. Cheney, Mr. Rumsfeld, if this is too tough for you, I suggest entering the 'No Diplomat Left Behind' program offered by the Kuwaiti Embassy."

Army Woes; Giuliana Sgrena: "J'Accuse; Not More Martha Stewart!

Here's a shocker.  Army recruiters are having trouble finding cannon fodder for the war against WMD in guess where...no, sorry, for the war of liberation...no, that's not it, for the war to spread democracy.  Oh, screw it. 

But all's not hopeless.  There are still those willing to serve.  Observe these happy warriors on their way to battle.  Will someone explain why this story is worthy of media attention?  Real news would be:  Army flooded with volunteers for Iraqi War.

(It's a small picture because the army's looking for teensy, tiny, little people who can sneak up on bad Iraqis and bite them on the ankle.  Either that or I can't figure out how to make it bigger without making it even blurrier...oh well.) 

And, in the There's No Way to Win department, Italian reporter Giuliana Sgrena, released after what was reported to be a rather handsome ransom, claims she was targeted by U.S. troops.  What in the world can one say?  "You tried to kill me." "No we didn't." "Yes you did." "No, honest, trust us."

Of course, one thing you don't say is the following quote from White House spokesman Scott McClellan:  "I think it's absurd to make any such suggestion that our men and women in uniform deliberately targeted innocent civilians. That's just absurd."   Uh, Scott, we know your president doesn't follow the news, but do you have a clue what's happening over there???

And finally, news not worthy of the front page, so follow along if you dare...